The holidays are a time for celebration, family gatherings, and cherished traditions. But when a loved one is living with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia, this holiday season can bring unique challenges alongside the joy. Picture-perfect parties, elaborate decorations, loud conversations, and crowded gatherings—Hollywood’s version of the holidays—can create unnecessary stress and confusion for someone with cognitive impairment.
The good news? With thoughtful planning and realistic expectations, you can create meaningful holiday experiences that everyone can treasure. According to Kathleen Biggs, CTRS, Assistant Director of Therapeutic Recreation in Gurwin’s Memory Care Unit, “Setting realistic expectations and adjusting traditions can help alleviate the added challenges dementia presents during the holidays. Planning is key.”
Jump Ahead
- Understanding your loved one’s dementia stage
- Planning a dementia-friendly holiday celebration
- Managing sensory overload and agitation during gatherings
- Thoughtful gift ideas for those with cognitive impairment
Understanding Where Your Loved One Is on the Dementia Spectrum
Before planning your celebration, it’s essential to understand your loved one’s current stage of dementia. The disease is characterized by gradual worsening of symptoms including memory loss, impaired thinking, and personality changes. Knowing where your loved one is on this spectrum helps you:
- Keep expectations realistic
- Minimize frustration for everyone
- Choose appropriate activities and gifts
- Plan the right level of support
Meeting your loved one where they are—rather than where they used to be—is the foundation for a successful holiday gathering. If you’re unsure about the level of support your loved one needs or if holiday visits have revealed concerning changes, read our article on what to watch for when visiting aging family during the holidays.
How to Plan a Dementia-Friendly Holiday Celebration
Educate Your Guests
Memory issues and behavioral changes are part of the disease, not a true reflection of the person you love. Before your gathering, help guests understand:
- Don’t correct inaccuracies – Reasoning with someone who has dementia isn’t possible or productive
- Redirect conversations – When confusion arises, gently steer the discussion to something more pleasant and simple
- Be patient – Don’t interrupt or put your loved one on the spot to recall details
- Introduce yourself clearly – Rather than asking “Do you remember me?”, say “Good to see you, Aunt Joan! I’m Jane, Rose’s daughter!”
Be Flexible with Timing
Your loved one may be able to participate in the entire celebration—or may not. Consider these timing strategies:
- Plan midday gatherings rather than late-night celebrations if your loved one experiences “sundowning” (increased agitation in late afternoon/evening)
- Have an exit plan ready for a quick departure if the festivities become overwhelming
- Keep it shorter – A two-hour gathering may be more successful than an all-day event
- Watch for behavioral triggers and be prepared to adjust on the fly
Create a Sensory-Friendly Environment
Decorations
- Tone down blinking or elaborate light displays that may cause confusion
- Avoid decorations that could create safety hazards
- Keep the space familiar rather than dramatically transformed
Sound Management
- Choose holiday standards or music from your loved one’s era
- Keep volume moderate—too loud can create an overwhelming atmosphere
- Minimize competing sounds (multiple conversations, TV, music all at once)
- Consider a quiet space where your loved one can retreat if needed
Pets
- Determine if animals are a comfort or a trigger
- If pets cause unease, keep them in a separate room or arrange temporary care
Plan Meaningful Activities
- Calming busy work – Magazines to flip through, simple puzzles, coloring or doodling
- Helpful tasks – Setting the table, folding napkins, stirring ingredients while you cook
- Simple one-on-one conversations – Speaking slowly and clearly
- Photo albums – Looking through old pictures together (you tell the stories; let them chime in if comfortable)
The Big Day: Tips for Success
Comfort First
Clothing: Forget fashion! Choose loose, comfortable, easily washable clothing with simple closures like Velcro. If a sweatshirt is their outfit of choice, that’s perfectly fine.
Seating: Place your loved one near the end of the table for easy access to the bathroom or a quiet space if they need to step away.
Mealtime Considerations
- Keep portions small, especially when serving unfamiliar foods
- Cut foods into smaller, manageable pieces
- Simplify place settings – Consider leaving only a butter knife or using finger foods
- Don’t fuss over eating methods – Many people with dementia eat with their hands; keep napkins handy and let them eat comfortably
- Avoid caffeine and sugar in desserts, as both can increase agitation
- Skip alcohol, which can worsen confusion
During the Celebration
- Tell stories rather than asking for recall – This removes pressure and still allows for connection
- Engage in simple, one-on-one conversations
- Include your loved one in activities they can still do – Even simple tasks help them feel part of the festivities
- Don’t make mountains out of molehills – If they’re having a moment, meet them where they are and gently redirect
Recognizing and Managing Agitation
Being proactive can minimize dementia-related behaviors and outbursts. Watch for these warning signs:
- Increasing confusion
- Restlessness
- Irritability
- Withdrawal
When agitation appears:
- Remember that it stems from confusion and fear—don’t take angry outbursts personally
- Approach with positive reassurance
- Try gentle touch like a hand massage or soft back rub
- Move to a quiet, controlled area
- Look through old photos together
- Initiate conversations using visual references in the environment
- Engage in their preferred calming activity
Transportation Tips
When driving your loved one home after the celebration:
- Have another person sit with them in the back seat
- Traveling in the dark might trigger unusual reactions; companionship eases tension
- Play soothing music during the drive
Best Gifts for Loved Ones with Dementia and Alzheimer’s
Selecting meaningful gifts for someone with Alzheimer’s or dementia can feel daunting. Choose items that provide comfort, stimulate positive memories, or make daily life easier.
Comfort and Orientation
- Large-numbered or digital clock featuring time and date to reduce confusion and maintain orientation
- Fidget quilt adorned with assorted shapes, textures, and moveable parts to soothe restless hands
- Soft, fluffy robe or anti-skid socks
- Lifelike baby doll or interactive stuffed animal for comfort and decreased agitation
Memory and Sensory Stimulation
- iPod or CD player with headphones loaded with favorite songs from their era
- Photo gifts – Framed photos, talking photo albums, or family photo calendars with noted birthdays/anniversaries
- Keepsake memory box filled with meaningful items like soft fabrics, favorite stuffed animals, perfume/cologne, a baseball, or beads
- Videos of old movies and TV shows from their younger years
Practical Items
- Comfortable, easy-care clothing – Wrinkle-free, easily closable (Velcro), easily washable fabrics that can withstand high-temperature industrial washing if they’re in a facility
- Shoes or slippers with Velcro ties for easy on and off
- Medical ID jewelry – An attractive, customizable bracelet for those who wander or have medical issues
Cognitive Engagement
- Large-print word game activity books
- Jigsaw puzzles with extra-large pieces for brain stimulation and dexterity building (early stages)
The Most Valuable Gift
Your presence – Sharing a laugh, cherished memories, or a game of cards with your loved one is a priceless gift that will be treasured forever.
Frequently Asked Questions About Holidays and Dementia
How do I plan a holiday party for someone with dementia?
Start by understanding your loved one’s current stage of dementia, then adjust your celebration accordingly. Keep gatherings smaller and shorter, educate guests beforehand, create a sensory-friendly environment with moderate sound levels, and have an exit plan if your loved one becomes overwhelmed. Plan midday events if they experience sundowning in the late afternoon.
What are good gifts for someone with Alzheimer’s disease?
Choose gifts that provide comfort or cognitive stimulation: large-numbered clocks for orientation, fidget quilts for soothing restless hands, iPods with favorite music, photo albums or calendars, comfortable clothing with easy closures, interactive stuffed animals, or memory boxes filled with meaningful items. The best gift is often simply your presence and quality time together.
How do I prevent agitation during holiday gatherings? Watch for early warning signs like increasing confusion, restlessness, irritability, or withdrawal. Minimize sensory overload by controlling sound levels, limiting crowds, and providing a quiet retreat space. Have calming activities ready, use gentle touch like hand massages, and be prepared to redirect to a peaceful environment if needed.
What should I do if my loved one with dementia gets upset at a holiday meal?
Don’t take it personally as agitation stems from confusion and fear. Approach with positive reassurance, try gentle touch, move to a quiet area, look through photos together, or engage them in their preferred calming activity. The key is to redirect rather than confront.
Can someone with dementia still participate in holiday traditions? Absolutely! Include them in activities they can still do successfully, such as setting the table, folding napkins, stirring ingredients, or looking at decorations. Keep tasks simple to avoid overwhelming them, and focus on participation rather than perfection.
Resources for Additional Support
For more information on Alzheimer’s disease and dementia:
- Alzheimer’s Association
- Alzheimer’s Foundation of America
- Fisher Center for Alzheimer’s Research Foundation
- Alzheimer’s Music Connect (great for traveling and relaxation)
Final Thoughts
Memories of holidays past can make gatherings bittersweet when a loved one has dementia. But with detailed planning, support from understanding guests, and an accepting attitude, you can create a holiday celebration this year that honors who your loved one is today—not who they used to be.
The key is flexibility, compassion, and focusing on connection rather than perfection. When you adjust your approach to meet their needs, you create space for genuine moments of joy that the whole family can treasure.
Best wishes for a meaningful holiday from the Gurwin family!
